The not-so-old Vicarage, at Trumpington
26 May 2007

Combat between an entrenched PCC at Trumpington (in the Diocese of Ely) and its rector who is trying to move the congregation forward into the 18th century (see the AO News Centre) has produced numerous angry rants. But one wag noticed that Trumpington is next to the Parish of Grantchester, and knew that Grantchester was home to the poet Rupert Brooke (and now home to wayward peer Lord Jeffrey Archer). So he wrote this, parodying the famous "The Old Vicarage, Grantchester". The author reports that he submitted this ditty to The Times, but we seem to have scooped them by publishing it first...

Just now the lilac is in bloom
Outside the (would be) smallest room
Where vicar Tom, unseen by many,
Is forced to hide to spend a penny,
Oblivious of th' impending doom
Which threatens him - and each new broom.

'Twas bad enough to try to scupper
Arrangements for the Harvest Supper
But then to offer cups of tea
To generate some 'bon homie'
And to move four pews to do it
The vicar will be made to rue it:
He'll preach we speak to Catholics next
Arguing some Corinthian text:
But PCC's on hand ne'er fear
To frighten women priests from here.

And how does one preserve tradition
When folk are hell bent on sedition?
And now he's after a latrine
There's ructions worse than ever seen:
Our cherished peace and holy quiet
Is swallowed in satanic riot:

What says the Bishop of this See?
And is there nowhere yet to pee??"